Thank You Congress!

Dear Congress,

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for what you have done for me.

Recently, you passed a bill with the ultimate goal being to eliminate online poker sites, and the stranglehold they have over this fair country. You have saved me on so many levels, from so many evils. Just think of all the awful things I might have been doing in the coming months if you hadn't stomped out this online poker thing:

- Paying my Rent

- Having electricity and running water

- Owning luxury items like clothing, or shoes

- Paying for gas to drive my car to class

- Eating

Fortunately for me, you have ensured that I will no longer be bothered with all those people who were so fond of handing me piles of cash. Why would I want to earn money from the luxury of my bedroom wearing pajamas and watching 'Yes, Dear' when I can work mindlessly behind a cash register, or better, at a sewing machine making shoes for a nickel a day.

In short, you have made my wildest dreams come true. No longer will I be a slave to my computer, earning money while chatting with friends or eating lunch, now I can go back to having a real job. And not a job like my summer job at camp. Why work a job I can call "enjoyable" or "fulfilling" with people I "enjoy being around" when I can work a job that makes me want to "kill myself" or "kill others" while working with "assholes"?

You are the light of my life Congress, Thank you.

Faithfully yours,
Robert Preston Ingram, Esq.