It's Gonna be the Future Soon

I've decided I really have to start writing more, so I'm going to be looking wherever I can to try to find different writing challenges or whatnot, which I will attempt in my own retarded way, ideally one every day, and then post here on Blogger (and I suppose in doing so, facebook too.) Today's inaugural entry comes from a thread on PWoT about dystopian futures. Most of the people responded with fairly plausible, if not always entirely serious, proposals. I give you this:

2237: Global warming has wreaked havoc upon the world’s climate. The habitable landmass has shrunk severely. On the bright side, the smaller mass is also far warmer, turning the world into a one giant Caribbean vacation. Through time, humans develop a monotonal brown skin color. In joyous celebration, racism declared dead.

2239: Bored with their favorite activity stolen from them, bigots hold a conference. Hate-Con ’39 is a resounding success, with thousands in attendance. The food is sub-par. Following days of heated debate, shoe size is selected as new method of hatred to rely upon. Fighting ensues at the conference between those with larger feet and the now-persecuted “little foots” in attendance.

2246: With the election of World Leader James Doerkson, the 7’2” former korfball star, legislation begins to be passed down limiting the rights of “little foots.” Big Foot militia forces begin to form.

2248: Through intimidation by the Big Foot militia, little foot candidates are discouraged from running for office. With full control of the world’s legislation attained, little foots are put under harsh regulation. Curfews installed. Creation of “luxury shoes” such as athletics wear and loafers deemed illegal below size 12.

2249: E-mails proclaiming “OMG F00T GROWHT PILLS!!!1 GUARENTE MAKE HER SAY WOW!” run rampant.

2251: United Little Foots Rights Force has first meeting. Four people show up, including one legal dwarf and a descendant of the little foot mythical legend Muggsy Bogues.

2253: A now heartier ULFRF begins mobilization phase one by installing tall folk with unusually small feet into the big foot ranks in counterfeit athletic sneakers and loafers. Pennies optional.

2256: Scandal rocks the big foot world when top political advisor Donald Williams is revealed to be a little foot spy in an oversized pair of soccer cleats. In his final year of his second six-year term, President Doerkson declares an immediate hiatus on all elections while branches are “searched thoroughly for more of those damn rotten littles.”

2259: Mobilization phase two begins, with the interception of boot supplies headed for big foot militia bases. Boots are replaced with models with far weaker arch support. With big foot forces weakened, and suffering from many lower leg strains, ULFRF declares war officially on the “Goliath Plague infecting [their] fair earth.”

2265: In violation of the codes of war the Big Foot Defense Force begins to use chemical warfare through the infusion of poisoned soles into the ULFRF inventory. ULFRF responds by releasing public statement to its generals to “go nuts. Seriously, just rape and pillage to your hearts’ content.”

2268: With ULFRF forces having seized control of nearly the entire globe, Leader Doerkson issues desperate plea to fight the littles to the very last survivor.

2269: Final big foot survivor secured, beaten to death by size 10 Croc-brand all-purpose foot apparel.

2270: Newly elected Leader Bogues declares the war won, and a world of love and equality re-established. Calendar year re-dated to 1 in honor of change.

3: Persecution of those with “gangly toes” begins.